28 things I believe to be true at 28:
Last year I wrote ‘27 things I know to be true at 27’ and the first thing on this year’s list will be that I don’t know what I know, or what such a definitive statement suggests. Yes, I’ll start here: believing something and knowing something are two different things.
Waking up earlier makes the entire day better.
Rest requires intention. Rest is not rest if it involves your phone in front of your face.
Almost every single text and notification can wait; Stop thinking that you’re deeply offending someone by not getting back to them this second.
“You can only live one day at a time, only drive one hotrod at a time, only say one word at a time and only think one thought at a time” (Avett Brothers). Slow down. Focus on what you’re doing. What’s next is next, as in, not now.
There should always be coconut oil in the nightstand. Hah.
If you don’t like a book ⅓ of the way in, put it down and start the next one. Life’s too short for reading books we don’t enjoy.
You’re not meant to sleep next to someone who’d rather pick up their phone in the morning than hold you first.
There should be more candles. Wherever, whenever.
The guy who prioritizes his physique and his thirst-traps that he excuses as “gym progress,” and who prioritizes his Instagram DMs over your attention is not ready to prioritize another person. Walk away. (Or run).
Being braver about what you share in therapy makes for better work, faster strides to growth, and less trauma dumping on your friends and dates.
The only type of “bad gay” out there is one who still thinks there are “bad gays.” It doesn’t matter what bars you go to, what music you listen to, what TV you watch… Just be whatever flavor of gay you want to be (this is also called “being yourself”) and let others do the same. If you feel threatened or insecure by someone being themselves, that says something about you, not them.
Gay men are still very much so men in a patriarchal system. Sorry. We’ve got a lot of work to do, boys.
The loudest person in the room usually has the least interesting things to say.
Most of life’s questions don’t have answers – or they have multiple, correct answers. Anyone who thinks they have all the answers is most likely afraid of something, most likely themselves. Stay with the curious, and “keep company always with those who say ‘look!’ and laugh in astonishment” (Mary Oliver). Life is quite long, actually. But so often, it’s incredibly short, too. Do you understand? Exactly.
Supporting the current presidential administration is a mental illness. Know when to civilly engage and know when to save your breath.
The soap you want to buy that’s a tad more expensive is worth it if it brings you joy: You’re going to use it every day and life is too stressful to not fully enjoy your 5 minute shower.
If you make eye contact with a dog, you have to pet it.
If you want to make someone feel special, seen, and welcomed in – listen to them. Actually listen. This starts with putting your phone away – off the table – and then is followed by eye contact. It can be that simple.
Almost everyone is battling some addiction or demons. From substances to social media apps, from toxic exes to sugar, from nicotine to sex to buying shoes. They are in the battle actively and daily, with courage and with grace – so for the love of god just have some patience as you move through the world.
Forgiveness is quite a miracle. (Real forgiveness – when you’ve done your internal work and you believe in the grace you’re offering). And there is plenty of it in each of us to go around. And it’s perhaps the hardest thing we have to do as humans – forgive, and forgive, and forgive again. (Mostly ourselves).
Almost everything on social media these days is either an advertisement or porn, be it covertly or overtly. Be careful with your attention, because your attention is a gift that every creator on the internet craves, but does not necessarily deserve, and what we pay attention to online – what we consume – directly feeds our squirrel brains with data on how to behave. (“Where attention goes, energy flows.”)
We ought to “Go to the funeral.” i.e., suck it up and go to your friend’s open mic night, go to the dinner you’re afraid might be awkward, go to the birthday party even if you got out of work late – this is what people remember. When you show up for others, they show up for you.
Peanut butter for lunch is perfectly acceptable.
Face masks and under eye patches don’t actually do anything. A bucket of ice water though? Now we’re talking.
“Playing it cool” will get you nowhere — with lovers, friends, opportunities… Be proudly shameless in your pursuit of what brings you joy. Be “untidy in your exuberance” (Mary Oliver, again).
Dancing can look like whatever you want it to look like: Messy and wild, clunky, sometimes angry, sometimes elegant or imperceptible. But there should be more dancing. (Now read this one again and replace “dancing” with “poetry.”)
Gentleness, sensitivity, tenderness, empathy… these are not things that make a person “soft,” but rather, incredibly brave and impressively strong. Call it what it is when you see it out in the world, and especially when you see it in yourself.
Thank you for being here.
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Thank you for these words! I’m also 28 and never thought my late twenties would feel like…this. But you encapsulate the journey of growth beautifully!
Oddly enough (or perhaps not odd at all) most of this list also applies to 50 year old straight women. 🔥